League of Legends Novel - Extra Life Event.

Is this image relevant? No, but it's lols.

It has occurred to me that there is no such thing as a League of Legends novel. Curiously, there isn’t even word of one in development. How could this be possible? The game’s been around for two years, possesses a rich world of IP, and has many hardcore enthusiasts. Given that I’ve played games such as WoW, Rift, etc., over the past several years, I’m actually blown away by the level of fanaticism exhibited by even moderate LoL players. The point of this is that were a LoL novel to be written, there would almost certainly be an immediate interest and following willing to read it. And there are no shortage of things to write about. Character lore alone is so rich and inviting, and there are infinite possibilities to incorporate as far as plot structure and theme.

Ideas with LoL are endless... Runeterra is a world threatened by the destruction caused by Rune Wars…. The catastrophe must be stopped. Or, Katarina and Cassiopiea get into a bitter Feud, causing a major conflict within the De Couteau family, leading to political unrest, riots, and protests around Noxus.

With that being said, I’ve been imagining what it would be like to take on the task of writing a LoL novel.

Never before have I considered so ambitious a project as writing a novel (well, that's not really true, but it makes my motivation to do so sound more epic), and I wouldn’t have the first idea about where to start. But, through active research, short stories, and being an avid player of the game, I am learning. There is much to be learned, and as far as writing a novel goes, it’s nowhere easy. From my writing experience, anything over 5 pages can be grueling. Over 20 can be painstaking. I haven’t written many works much longer than that, but I have written hundreds and hundreds of pages of unrelated stories.

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Maybe I could compile all those short stores, change all the names, work in some creative license, and make a go of that… or maybe I could just write a goddamn, motherfuckin’ League of Legends novel, from scratch!


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Here are some thoroughly legitimate plot outlines (trolling license taken into account!) =)

They morbid tales were inspired by a recent event where Pokket (a well known video-game personality), ran a 24h live-stream event for childeren’s hospitals. She was able to raise $1646! Details here: http://www.extra-life.org/index.cfm?fuseaction=donorDrive.participant&eventID=501&participantID=11614

1)

DrPoppyTrollo surveyed the surrounding area with a perception akin to that of a well-sharpened butter-knife, and PokketPlank, while heavily intoxicated by pirate-Rum, stumbled awkwardly about the darkened cobblestone path. The Twisted Treeline was an unforgiving place, and DrPoppyTrollo was careful not to alert the nearby Fayldamere. However, as DrPoppyTrollo sneaked carefully, PokketPlank stumbled drunkenly directly into Fayldamere, causing him to become enraged. PokketPlank and DrPoppyTrollo were never heard from again.

2)

Teemo didn’t care. His red superman cape, black bandana, and spandex attire made him look like a badass altogether. His mushrooms, picked from finest quality rain forests of Ionia, were primed with the finest quality explosives. No sooner had he opened his satchel of deadly implements to place them on the ground, than a wild Garen appeared from a seemingly innocuous bush, poised to bring down upon the small Teemo all the fearsome might of… DEMACIAAA!!!!

3)

Kog’itude, the pink-wigged New Zelandar, and PoppySavant, SuperTeemo’s eccentric Yordle companion, raced to the scene in a panic. Kog’Itude initiated the fight with try-hardGaren by lashing out with the luxurious curls of his pink wig, trying to enact a stranglehold of death. But, with one swift cleave, the pink locks were slashed apart, causing Kog’itude to retreat in fear. Then, without warning, PoppySavant leapt forward, temporarily throwing try-hardGaren off-balance. However PoppySavant was deemed OP, and was immediately banned and was removed from the Crystal Scar by a hidden game-master. Teemo was alone once again!

EDIT: Kog'itude committed to a tactical withdraw, not a retreat.

BONUS CONTENT: Me, drunk on Tequila, talking about the event during ~hour 16. This may one day come back to haunt me.

Worst Video Game Moment - 1 Week of Pain

At the dawn of the release of a brand new TBC raid dungeon, excitement ripped through the clandestine waves of Zangarmarsh...


Hydross the Unstable is the worst boss I’ve ever encountered in a video game. This gigantic water elemental lived in the watery dump of Serpentshrine Cavern, located in the deep tangled mess of Coilfang Reservior. As I recall, he was always angry, and treated all raids with such callous disregard as to mop the floor with 25 dead bodies. He did this while laughing at under-geared tanks and other fools who'd stand in clumped groups to get AoE bombed by Ice-tomb. This was the state of things before the nerf bat, at least.


What seemed like a basic tank-swap/positioning/dps-race fight turned into an over-tuned cluster-F of confusion and chaos. Every night for a week, the brave raiders of <Eclipsed>, including myself, would burn through 2 flasks (4 hours) of attempts without feeling any sense of progression. As many died to the mysterious elevator boss and over-tuned trash packs, frustration occurred even before the encounter began. After about the first hour of these shenanigans, the raid would be in no mood for fighting Hydross the Bloated, which simply made matters worse.


Now, the Duke of Currents, Hydross, was no more than an angry sack of water who generously spewed forth deadly bolts nature and frost junk. Upon engaging this boss, he would start out in the nature phase, and you’d need a maxed out nature resist tank to handle him during this phase. Then he’d switch to the frost phase, where you’d need a frost resist tank to take control. This delicate swapping had to be perfectly timed, as improper timing resulted in deaths. No less than 6 healers (preferable 7-8), were needed for this fight, because not only did Hydross hit your tanks for pain-trains and rocket-ships, his ample supply of raid-based AoE damage was substantial, and it became worse as the fight progressed.


The initial pull of the fight led to more wipes than I care to mention, despite the skill of the hunter who initiated; if he wasn’t positioned perfectly, Hydross would simply do his own thing by one-shotting raiders at random (usually me, Hydross didn’t seem to care about my priestly Fade ability). This had something to do with the boss’s tendency to ignore the invisible barrier that accounted for his current damage affiliation (nature or frost). To add insult to injury, a curious raider would occasionally stray too far ahead of the main group, hit a pack of nearby water elementals, and aggro the boss without warning. More frustration and repair bills that could have easily so been prevented! Yay!


A short time into the fight, a ‘water-tomb’ mechanic offered substantial raid damage. This random-target ability affected all players within 8 yards, stunned them for 4 seconds, and caused 4500 frost damage to all affected players over 5 sec. In addition, a raid-wide debuff (Mark of Hydross) stacked up to 6 times, for a max of 500% increased frost damage received for all. As a healer, this was my worst nightmare, as every attempt resulted in the unnecessary deaths of dps and healers, who were simply too lost in tunnel-vision to stay properly spread out. However, to their credit, it was difficult to stay fully spread out, as the platform where the fight took place was far too small and ridiculously shaped for everyone to be safe.


In fact, the entire fight was ridiculous, inasmuch many an ambitious raid group chose to skip Hydross in order to kill The Lurker Below, and forget Hydross altogether. Unfortunately, rather than wait for the inevitable nerf bat, we were far more concerned with maintaining the sense of elitism and pride that came with being a server first guild, so we merrily trucked along in the face of adversity. This outright lack of common sense resulted in a mountain of broken keyboards, a slew of mental breakdowns, and a server-first kill. Only after several <5% wipes!


After all was said and done, we were left with a garbage pair of epic warlock boots, which were soon converted into enchanting materials.


And if you’re the type of person who might attribute this fail to poor raid leadership or lack of skill, consider that we’d cleared all Vanilla content (excluding the final bosses of Naxx 40-man), prior to Hydross, and had maintained top 3 server progression throughout (we were neck-and-neck with our rival guild at all times). Admittedly, we weren’t the best of the best, but we knew how to crush content nonetheless. Or so we thought!